Okay first of all i'm going to start off by saying it is DECEMBER. Not july. Therefore it should NOT be 90 degrees outside! Yet it IS! Urg.
Secondly, I shall fill in on the happenings of my weekend.
I kept my phone on but didn't accept the call from Andy. Let it go straight to voicemail all night, which resulted in 29 missed messages, all of them angry and shouting. Instead, I was with my boyfriend at the mall, enjoying a few before-christmas sales.
Saturday night was a different story. I took my ACTs from 7:45 till 1:45 that day. Yes, and then I went home and slept before my best friend and her boyfriend came to pick me up to ride around and drink. Well... I'm naughty. 10 beers and 5 shots later I was sitting in the backseat between the BFF's boyfriend's brother, who, by the way is a grand old 25, divorced, and has a FIVE YEAR OLD, making out, and his 26 year old married friend. Hello... I'm so very bad. However, due to some curfew issues, the only thing that happened was some impulsive, urg, TOUCHING we should say? Good kisser tho. Would I do it again? Probably not. Do I regret it? no. Regrets are stupid.
But now we begin the countdown for the biggest bash of the year, my eighteenth birthday. December 31st. It will be a joint New Years party, but it's gonna be HUGE.... And I'm probably gonna be a bad, bad girl. ;)
Monday, December 10, 2007
Friday, December 7, 2007
Am i justified to turn off my phone and pretend to be dead when it comes to Andy? For real. He INFORMED me, not asked, but INFORMED, that I was going on a date with him tonight. Ello! Not fair! Seeing as I've come across a new boyfriend of um, well let's just say the boy is blessed with monetary values. As in his family is RICH. Duh.
And I have a date with him tonight. But Andy INSISTS I have a date with him tonight. And I don't need to be "wasting my time with foolish little boys". HellO! Not fair. Not to mention that Andy still happens to have a girlfirned. Who has a baby. And they're going to her familys' for christmas. HELLO! Your happy ! So quit bossing me around! If you want to be friends, fine. But nothing more.
So the question is: even though I'm in love with him, is it justify-able to turn the phone off? Or at least set my BRAND NEW razr2 (BY THE WAY I LOVE IT !) $400 but it's great! to only accept his calls under "silent"? HURRY ! I need answers!
And I have a date with him tonight. But Andy INSISTS I have a date with him tonight. And I don't need to be "wasting my time with foolish little boys". HellO! Not fair. Not to mention that Andy still happens to have a girlfirned. Who has a baby. And they're going to her familys' for christmas. HELLO! Your happy ! So quit bossing me around! If you want to be friends, fine. But nothing more.
So the question is: even though I'm in love with him, is it justify-able to turn the phone off? Or at least set my BRAND NEW razr2 (BY THE WAY I LOVE IT !) $400 but it's great! to only accept his calls under "silent"? HURRY ! I need answers!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
When I was young, I'd bounce out of bed at 6 AM, happy as a clam, dress only in purple-my favorite color throughout my elementary years- eat a HUGE breakfast and go off to school at7:30, perfectly happy. I'd get tired about 5:30, eat supper, and be in bed by 8:30.
I'm 17 years old now and.. What has happened? I DRAG out of bed at 7:00AM... Managed to go through a 1 hour long beauty thingy in 30 minutes, and leave for school at 7:40. Barely. And not happily. No breakfast-it makes me sick now. I finally wake up about 2:30, get out of school at 3, and start my day. I usually go to tutor for about 3 hours, eat supper, do homework, and chat with my friends on the phone or AIM until about 10:30. Then I get a shower, and manage to go to bed before 12 on a good day.
What's with this? I'd kill for a routine like my old one. But once, where it took nothing to wake me up but sunshine, now it takes a gallon and a half of mocha to start my day.
Just some thoughts.
In my younger teenage years-13 to 15 years old- I was a calm person. I babysat, I made all A's, my idea of "going out" was a movie and then a sleepover with my girlfriends, I had the same boyfriend for 2 years, and even he was a straight A, kinda nerdy kid.
Then I turned 16.
Wow. Once when alcohol had never crossed my mind, it seemed to hit me hard and became a great fun treat, like candy used to be. To be used on occasion.... I lost about 50 pounds and the polo shirts and Khakis were lost to the world, replaced by tight jeans, halters, corsets, etc... Smoking was not obsene either. Boys-they were a gift from God.
I was lucky. I inherited a new friend, Kiki, who was 3 years older and wild. She had boyfriends coming out of her ears. And from her, I learned the trick-how to play the game.
Now... I'm weeks from 18. And life is good. Life is different. Life is fun.
What is to come of me, I don't know. All I can do is live for the moment.
xox, Belle
I'm 17 years old now and.. What has happened? I DRAG out of bed at 7:00AM... Managed to go through a 1 hour long beauty thingy in 30 minutes, and leave for school at 7:40. Barely. And not happily. No breakfast-it makes me sick now. I finally wake up about 2:30, get out of school at 3, and start my day. I usually go to tutor for about 3 hours, eat supper, do homework, and chat with my friends on the phone or AIM until about 10:30. Then I get a shower, and manage to go to bed before 12 on a good day.
What's with this? I'd kill for a routine like my old one. But once, where it took nothing to wake me up but sunshine, now it takes a gallon and a half of mocha to start my day.
Just some thoughts.
In my younger teenage years-13 to 15 years old- I was a calm person. I babysat, I made all A's, my idea of "going out" was a movie and then a sleepover with my girlfriends, I had the same boyfriend for 2 years, and even he was a straight A, kinda nerdy kid.
Then I turned 16.
Wow. Once when alcohol had never crossed my mind, it seemed to hit me hard and became a great fun treat, like candy used to be. To be used on occasion.... I lost about 50 pounds and the polo shirts and Khakis were lost to the world, replaced by tight jeans, halters, corsets, etc... Smoking was not obsene either. Boys-they were a gift from God.
I was lucky. I inherited a new friend, Kiki, who was 3 years older and wild. She had boyfriends coming out of her ears. And from her, I learned the trick-how to play the game.
Now... I'm weeks from 18. And life is good. Life is different. Life is fun.
What is to come of me, I don't know. All I can do is live for the moment.
xox, Belle
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Tragedies
2 years ago to this day, just two and a half weeks from my 16th birthday, something horrible and life-shattering happened:
One of my best friends died.
Most of the people who know Cody now who aren't from his hometown don't realise that the boy was once an IDENTICAL twin... Cody and Casey. They were the coolest guys ever in my eyes. Having just turned 19 at the time, they were "older and more sophisticated" and knew how to have fun. Cody'd always been closest to me, prolly because we were in one of our on again off again boyfriend/girlfriend stages... But Casey was a confidante. He was there when i needed a ride, a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on... Especially over when his twin screwed up.
Casey was amazing.. A good guy.. He was on his way to my house from their cousins' house two counties over to hang out with me, tiff, and cody. It was raining and cold. over 13 people witnessed the truck, an eighteen wheeler, who was trying to pass Casey up on the highway, lose control and veer into his lane, pushing Casey's brand new Ford off the road, causing it to flip. And then be impaled by a pine tree.
19 years old... And gone. FOURTEEN HUNDRED PEOPLE showed up at his funeral. For an amazing 8 days, i never cried.. i was there for my boyfriend... Drove him where he needed to go.. put him up in my bed whenever going home seemed too bad for him... and then on the 8th day, when he was starting to finally move on, i lost it. Went into an uncontrollable crying fit.
I sorta had pushed it to the back of my find. I'd forgetten, until I saw Cody walk through my door at exactly mid night. for an amazing 10 seconds, I thought it was Casey. And I broke down. And his brother, the amazing Cody, whom I've been treating like shit, wrapped me up in his arms and held me. Let me cry. Carried me to bed... And he fell asleep there. I left him there, because I just had an urge to type... And mourn a little. Sure, Cody cheated on me. But... He was also a first love. And the chemistry is perfect... So very very perfect.
I'm almost afraid to sleep, because sleeping means dreaming.
One of my best friends died.
Most of the people who know Cody now who aren't from his hometown don't realise that the boy was once an IDENTICAL twin... Cody and Casey. They were the coolest guys ever in my eyes. Having just turned 19 at the time, they were "older and more sophisticated" and knew how to have fun. Cody'd always been closest to me, prolly because we were in one of our on again off again boyfriend/girlfriend stages... But Casey was a confidante. He was there when i needed a ride, a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on... Especially over when his twin screwed up.
Casey was amazing.. A good guy.. He was on his way to my house from their cousins' house two counties over to hang out with me, tiff, and cody. It was raining and cold. over 13 people witnessed the truck, an eighteen wheeler, who was trying to pass Casey up on the highway, lose control and veer into his lane, pushing Casey's brand new Ford off the road, causing it to flip. And then be impaled by a pine tree.
19 years old... And gone. FOURTEEN HUNDRED PEOPLE showed up at his funeral. For an amazing 8 days, i never cried.. i was there for my boyfriend... Drove him where he needed to go.. put him up in my bed whenever going home seemed too bad for him... and then on the 8th day, when he was starting to finally move on, i lost it. Went into an uncontrollable crying fit.
I sorta had pushed it to the back of my find. I'd forgetten, until I saw Cody walk through my door at exactly mid night. for an amazing 10 seconds, I thought it was Casey. And I broke down. And his brother, the amazing Cody, whom I've been treating like shit, wrapped me up in his arms and held me. Let me cry. Carried me to bed... And he fell asleep there. I left him there, because I just had an urge to type... And mourn a little. Sure, Cody cheated on me. But... He was also a first love. And the chemistry is perfect... So very very perfect.
I'm almost afraid to sleep, because sleeping means dreaming.
Okay. New guy=fun.
Technically he "asked me out" Friday after riding around down all night...Saturday we doubled with my friend and his cousin. Yeah. FUN since we made a 9:55 stop at the liquor store (it closes at 10! And flew the whole way back home!) and last night I went there and spent a night at a GARAGE with them... Building deer stands. or not. Whatever you want to call it.
Andy is still mysteriously hanging around. He's breaking up with his girlfriend he says. Cody is MIA. His daughter has the flu. However, my LOVING father has invited them to spend Thanksgiving with us Thursday. We shall see.
Technically he "asked me out" Friday after riding around down all night...Saturday we doubled with my friend and his cousin. Yeah. FUN since we made a 9:55 stop at the liquor store (it closes at 10! And flew the whole way back home!) and last night I went there and spent a night at a GARAGE with them... Building deer stands. or not. Whatever you want to call it.
Andy is still mysteriously hanging around. He's breaking up with his girlfriend he says. Cody is MIA. His daughter has the flu. However, my LOVING father has invited them to spend Thanksgiving with us Thursday. We shall see.
Monday, November 12, 2007
This weekend was... well, interesting, to say the least...
Okay, that's an understatement of the year. I'm a bad, bad girl. End of story.
Andy's now a "friend". He's still as controlling as ever, but he's now in the "friend" catagory instead of the boyfriend. Cody... Well Cody and I could have something. There's definate chemistry, you know? However, there is the age difference. And he's a dad, I'm in school... Different backgrounds, different views. My mother and I discussed it... Maybe he is the right one for me. I mean, I love him. (But, I THOUGHT I was in love with Andy). But I'm 17 years old still. Time for me to have a little fun. You know? The countdown for the 18th birthday has begun. It's a heck of a lot closer than I thought it was. Amazing.
So, despite that fact that it's against what my heart is telling me, I'm taking the next MONTH to just be a teenager. To party and go on dates (I have one on Friday, with a guy that's basically a sympathy card, and another on Saturday, with a really cute dude.) And ENJOY LIFE!
Maybe I'm wrong... Just tell me your feelings.
Love ya, Belle
Okay, that's an understatement of the year. I'm a bad, bad girl. End of story.
Andy's now a "friend". He's still as controlling as ever, but he's now in the "friend" catagory instead of the boyfriend. Cody... Well Cody and I could have something. There's definate chemistry, you know? However, there is the age difference. And he's a dad, I'm in school... Different backgrounds, different views. My mother and I discussed it... Maybe he is the right one for me. I mean, I love him. (But, I THOUGHT I was in love with Andy). But I'm 17 years old still. Time for me to have a little fun. You know? The countdown for the 18th birthday has begun. It's a heck of a lot closer than I thought it was. Amazing.
So, despite that fact that it's against what my heart is telling me, I'm taking the next MONTH to just be a teenager. To party and go on dates (I have one on Friday, with a guy that's basically a sympathy card, and another on Saturday, with a really cute dude.) And ENJOY LIFE!
Maybe I'm wrong... Just tell me your feelings.
Love ya, Belle
Thursday, November 8, 2007
So. Thursday night. The most boring night of the week. The fake boyfriend's gone home to chat up his other girlfriend on the phone and the best friend is working late. Wonderful. That leaves me with exactly nil to do.
Actually, I'm having a bit of a weird day. It's the best friend, we shall call him Cody's, birthday. He's 21. Growing up, this would have been huge. But seeing as the fake boyfriend, (Andy) will not let me so much as text message the boy in public (I do so in private, when Andy is not looking) it kinda sucks.
But never fail. I shall be a good best friend. Word has gotten back to me through my best girly friend, Tiff, that there's a party out at the Old Place for Cody. Yay! We grew up at the Old Place, a hunting camp really. Getting drunk and skinny-dipping in the summer time was our favorite things to do growing up, and bonfires and getting drunk in the winter time was a top ten, also. We're in Southern Mississippi, for gods' sake. I'm somewhat of what you might call a "Southern belle" minus the belle part. Cody lives 25 minutes away, in Louisiana. He's always been a novelty to my girlfriends as one of those "Crazy Louisiana boys" and hot to boot.
Dreams of drinking and being with one of my dream boys are keeping me from resting. I'm in love with Andy, but there is something about Cody that makes me think I could fall in love with him, too. I'm just a crazy girl, still in high school, three weeks from eighteen years old, and what do I know about love though? I know what my heart tells me, that's for sure. I know that I'm not the normal eighteen year old girl... I know that I write my life story. But I'm not exactly sure what I want it to say right now.
Tiff and I are going back and forth right now about what we shall wear... Seems shallow doesn't it, to write about my fashion choices right there with my love life, but hell, I enjoy it.. So bare with me. Tiff's got it easy, really, she's to die for with her dark hair and big green eyes and tallness... Model skinny, that girl is, and it's so not fair, though I enjoy my curves. I'm not complaining about my looks, they're just by the book... Blonde hair I keep long, hazel eyes, 5'1" (that inch is VERY important to me.. It took me five years to grow that extra inch!) curves and tits... Not fat, as I'm a size 6, but not skinnny Tiff's size 0 either. It's a good point to be at, actually. She's inisting I dress up with her, while I'm all for the comfy Vickie's Secret sweats, since it'll be a whopping 38 for a low tomorrow night. Oh well. I bought a new corset-style strapless top from Charlotte Russe in a pretty blue color so I imagine I'll pair it with my tight jeans and a pair of Tiff's heels and be done with it. Maybe I'll catch Cody's eye. Just maybe.
Actually, I'm having a bit of a weird day. It's the best friend, we shall call him Cody's, birthday. He's 21. Growing up, this would have been huge. But seeing as the fake boyfriend, (Andy) will not let me so much as text message the boy in public (I do so in private, when Andy is not looking) it kinda sucks.
But never fail. I shall be a good best friend. Word has gotten back to me through my best girly friend, Tiff, that there's a party out at the Old Place for Cody. Yay! We grew up at the Old Place, a hunting camp really. Getting drunk and skinny-dipping in the summer time was our favorite things to do growing up, and bonfires and getting drunk in the winter time was a top ten, also. We're in Southern Mississippi, for gods' sake. I'm somewhat of what you might call a "Southern belle" minus the belle part. Cody lives 25 minutes away, in Louisiana. He's always been a novelty to my girlfriends as one of those "Crazy Louisiana boys" and hot to boot.
Dreams of drinking and being with one of my dream boys are keeping me from resting. I'm in love with Andy, but there is something about Cody that makes me think I could fall in love with him, too. I'm just a crazy girl, still in high school, three weeks from eighteen years old, and what do I know about love though? I know what my heart tells me, that's for sure. I know that I'm not the normal eighteen year old girl... I know that I write my life story. But I'm not exactly sure what I want it to say right now.
Tiff and I are going back and forth right now about what we shall wear... Seems shallow doesn't it, to write about my fashion choices right there with my love life, but hell, I enjoy it.. So bare with me. Tiff's got it easy, really, she's to die for with her dark hair and big green eyes and tallness... Model skinny, that girl is, and it's so not fair, though I enjoy my curves. I'm not complaining about my looks, they're just by the book... Blonde hair I keep long, hazel eyes, 5'1" (that inch is VERY important to me.. It took me five years to grow that extra inch!) curves and tits... Not fat, as I'm a size 6, but not skinnny Tiff's size 0 either. It's a good point to be at, actually. She's inisting I dress up with her, while I'm all for the comfy Vickie's Secret sweats, since it'll be a whopping 38 for a low tomorrow night. Oh well. I bought a new corset-style strapless top from Charlotte Russe in a pretty blue color so I imagine I'll pair it with my tight jeans and a pair of Tiff's heels and be done with it. Maybe I'll catch Cody's eye. Just maybe.
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