When I was young, I'd bounce out of bed at 6 AM, happy as a clam, dress only in purple-my favorite color throughout my elementary years- eat a HUGE breakfast and go off to school at7:30, perfectly happy. I'd get tired about 5:30, eat supper, and be in bed by 8:30.

I'm 17 years old now and.. What has happened? I DRAG out of bed at 7:00AM... Managed to go through a 1 hour long beauty thingy in 30 minutes, and leave for school at 7:40. Barely. And not happily. No breakfast-it makes me sick now. I finally wake up about 2:30, get out of school at 3, and start my day. I usually go to tutor for about 3 hours, eat supper, do homework, and chat with my friends on the phone or AIM until about 10:30. Then I get a shower, and manage to go to bed before 12 on a good day.

What's with this? I'd kill for a routine like my old one. But once, where it took nothing to wake me up but sunshine, now it takes a gallon and a half of mocha to start my day.

Just some thoughts.

In my younger teenage years-13 to 15 years old- I was a calm person. I babysat, I made all A's, my idea of "going out" was a movie and then a sleepover with my girlfriends, I had the same boyfriend for 2 years, and even he was a straight A, kinda nerdy kid.

Then I turned 16.

Wow. Once when alcohol had never crossed my mind, it seemed to hit me hard and became a great fun treat, like candy used to be. To be used on occasion.... I lost about 50 pounds and the polo shirts and Khakis were lost to the world, replaced by tight jeans, halters, corsets, etc... Smoking was not obsene either. Boys-they were a gift from God.

I was lucky. I inherited a new friend, Kiki, who was 3 years older and wild. She had boyfriends coming out of her ears. And from her, I learned the trick-how to play the game.

Now... I'm weeks from 18. And life is good. Life is different. Life is fun.

What is to come of me, I don't know. All I can do is live for the moment.

xox, Belle